Uncomfortable Conversations - FREE script

What This Is & Why It Matters

Addictive Leadership's Uncomfortable Conversation Script is a simple, repeatable formula for having difficult conversations that actually land. It takes our three principles (Surrender The Outcome, Practice Rigorous Authenticity, Do Uncomfortable Work) and puts them into a template you can use immediately.

You already know you should be having these conversations. You've probably been inspired by a dozen leadership trainings to do it. But inspiration isn't the problem. The problem is emotion. What makes Uncomfortable Work uncomfortable is fear; fear of hurting feelings, losing respect, damaging relationships, or being wrong. If we don't address that fear directly, we'll keep avoiding the conversation or having it poorly.

This script works because it leverages vulnerability. When you lead with your fear, you disarm the other person, they assume positive intent, and they can relate because everyone struggles with these same things. It completely flips how they receive the message.

We've used this with over 30,000 leaders, thousands in the accounting profession. 97% of the time, it works.

The Script Structure

The script has three parts, in this exact order:

1. SURRENDER THE OUTCOME (Lead with Your Fear)

State what you're scared of. This is the secret ingredient. It disarms the other person, signals positive intent, and creates connection. When you're vulnerable first, they stop being defensive and start relating to you as a human.

2. PRACTICE RIGOROUS AUTHENTICITY (State Your Behavior)

Own your side of the street. Don't point fingers. Just describe what you've been doing (or not doing) as a result of that fear. This isn't about calling them out; it's about taking accountability for your part.

3. DO UNCOMFORTABLE WORK (State What You Need to Do and Why)

Say what you need to do, ask for, or address. Then connect it to the outcome that matters. This is the hard part you've been avoiding, paired with why it's important for the firm, the client, or the person you're talking to.

Examples

Example 1: Making Decisions Without Consensus (Managing Partner)

A managing partner was wasting time building consensus for decisions they were already empowered to make, just to avoid pushback.

• Surrender the Outcome: "I'm scared of making an unpopular decision."
• Rigorous Authenticity: "So I've been seeking consensus unnecessarily."
• Uncomfortable Work: "I'm going to make this decision so that we can speed up the process."

Example 2: Giving Performance Feedback (to a Direct Report)

A leader needed to address a lack of thoroughness in a director's work but kept avoiding it.

• Surrender the Outcome: "I'm scared of hurting your feelings or making you feel less valued."
• Rigorous Authenticity: "So I've been withholding feedback."
• Uncomfortable Work: "I need to talk to you about the lack of thoroughness of your work because it's costing me time on my most important tasks."

Example 3: Managing Scope Creep (with a Client)

A client was asking for additional scope without adjusting the timeline or compensation.

• Surrender the Outcome: "I've been scared to bring this up because I don't want to lose you as a client."
• Rigorous Authenticity: "So I haven't addressed the changes to this project."
• Uncomfortable Work: "We need to discuss the scope of the project so that we can ensure your work is completed on time."

Example 4: Pushing Back on Low-Value Work (with a Supervisor)

A leader was being connected to low-value referral sources that pulled them away from top clients.

• Surrender the Outcome: "I'm scared of damaging relationships with referral partners."
• Rigorous Authenticity: "But these low-value opportunities are taking time away from my top clients."
• Uncomfortable Work: "I need permission to say no to some of these referrals so I can say yes to more high-value work."

What to Avoid

• Don't skip the fear. This is the part that makes the script work. Without it, you're just delivering hard news and hoping for the best.
• Don't point fingers. The rigorous authenticity step is about owning YOUR side of the street, not calling out theirs.
• Don't use email. 99% of the time, this needs to be done verbally. People can't feel your vulnerability through a screen.
• Don't let edge cases stop you. Yes, a narcissist might use your vulnerability against you. But letting one bad apple stop you from leading yourself means they win every time. The overwhelming majority of people will respect you for it.
• Don't overthink it. Your fear will tell you "this won't work for my situation." We've done this with 30,000 leaders. It works.

Summary

Every difficult conversation you avoid, you get wrong. Every one you have poorly, you get wrong. This script gives you a proven way to get them right.

Vulnerability isn't weakness. It's what makes people trust you, respect you, and want to follow you. It demonstrates a level of self-leadership that everyone secretly wants but few actually practice.

Pick one conversation you've been avoiding. Write out the three parts. Have it this week.